As of Sunday I passed the 5 month milestone and I am now officially in the 6th month. I have been battling (and winning!) with TSW for all of 2013, but I do not think it will continue into 2014!
I don’t know if other people do this, but sometimes I think about how we have especially “good years” and especially “bad years”. I vividly remember in 2009 I had a really good year. Among other things, I got into a nice higher-paying role at work, I walked the runway as a model in a fashion show, my brother got married and his wedding day was so much fun, and then I got proposed to, and all the excitement that comes with anticipating a wedding and future in love.
2013, being that it’s half over, will go down in history thus far as a pretty abysmal year. School stress, work stress, TSW, and divorce plus all the things that come with it, like losing your home and your in-law family. But can I just say? DIVORCE SUCKS, HUGE! Being lied to and betrayed by someone that held my heart for 10 years is actually worse than TSW, I think. My skin is healing. I think it’s only going to take me a year or less. But in 2014 and onward, will my heart be healed? I no longer talk much about my divorce on this blog since it’s mainly just for TSW and eczema. I thought about starting a whole separate blog for working through all the issues of my divorce, but I didn’t want the extra work of another blog, and I ultimately decided I didn’t want my most fragile emotions and feelings vulnerably displayed to the public. Anyway, before I get back to talking about skin – for anyone going through your own personal difficult times, if you’re reading this, we just have to convince ourselves we are stronger than we know. Everyone who’s “been there” keeps telling us it will get better, and we have so much trouble believing that. Will it ever get better? Will we ever feel healed and whole again? When it feels hopeless, we have to keep the faith that yes, it will get better. Many days I don’t believe it myself, but seeing my skin heal has been a good metaphor. If my outside can heal and I thought it never would, I suppose my shattered heart and soul must be able to do the same.
“We either make ourselves miserable or make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Castaneda
So yes, I HAVE been working on making myself strong again. I turn to God an incredible amount, I’m doing a lot of workouts for physical strength, I’m creating artwork which is incredibly therapeutic, and I’m reading empowering books like there’s no tomorrow. 🙂
To the skin updates, with pictures…
But, the outstanding thing is that my arms and shoulders actually saw the light of the sun this weekend, for the first time in over half a year. It was over 90 degrees here and I wanted to go outside and get some of that healing sun while I went for a run on a local public trail. It would have been completely unreasonable to wear long sleeves, so I wore a tank top and figured, to heck with it. And, I think the sun exposure really did help my skin a little.
I love being warm, so sweating it up running under the blazing sun didn’t bother me, but as I began to sweat, the backs of my knees began to itch wildly and I just HAD to stop and claw at them. This was a little damaging:
Also went in the pool this weekend, which was another milestone. I thought I would never be able to wear a bikini again due to all the rashes. Now that my rashes are localized to just my limbs, I’m ok with it (plus the fact that no one saw me in my swimsuit except my mom, haha. I’m not romping around bikini-clad in public just yet.). I don’t know that I would recommend swimming in general for people with TSW. The chlorine stung the cuts behind my knees and that area felt really dry later. Then I kept experiencing a burning feeling in that area while I was trying to sleep at night. If there are no open wounds, it could be okay as long as you rinse off and maybe use some moisturizer if you prefer.
Anyway – Happy healing everyone, hope you all are having a good week!