7 Things I Love and Hate About Eczema, and a Song About TSW

This post comes courtesy of my blog-friend The Allergista, who wrote a post on 7 things she loves and hates about her allergies.  I thought it was such a great idea that I wanted to do my own post on it, while still crediting her, of course!  If you haven’t visited her blog, check her out!

HATE:

  1. I hate that my self-esteem and self-worth is often linked directly to the condition of my skin.  I can be confident and vibrant, but a lot of the time I just can’t see that if my skin isn’t letting me feel that way.
  2. I hate that I haven’t been able to donate blood in almost half a year, because I didn’t want people seeing my arms and elbow creases and thinking I had some horrible disease or was a drug addict.  (I’m getting there though!  Today they are almost clear!)
  3. I hate that I can’t wear whatever I want, whenever I want to.
  4. I hate that it takes a lot of planning to go anywhere.  (Will my clothing be comfortable?  Do I have the appropriate creams and lotions just in case?  Do I need to take an allergy pill in case I get itchy?)
  5. I hate having scars all over my legs and arms.  Hoping they fade some more with time, since I didn’t used to have them a few years ago before my eczema started getting worse.
  6. I hate having to be paranoid about reading ingredient lists on body products and that I can’t just try any new lotion or makeup that I want, for fear it will royally bother my skin.
  7. I hate that other people don’t seem to understand eczema and aren’t more understanding of the huge impact it can have on daily living.

LOVE:

  1. I love that I’ve found new style options (hello, scarves!!) that I may not have otherwise embraced.
  2. I LOVE that as my skin has healed, I have felt very renewed and thankful.
  3. I love that I have matured and realized that my beauty and self-worth doesn’t come solely from my appearance.
  4. I love the nightly ritual of soaking in my bath with my Dead Sea Salts.
  5. I love that I’m so much more aware of the ingredients in cosmetics and facial products and now I know what products really work for me and won’t irritate my skin.
  6. I love that I no longer feel imprisoned by my food choices and have discovered many new healthy foods, while still maintaining the balance of having something indulgent to enjoy every now and then (like pizza).  I tried giving up almost every food under the sun before I knew I had TSW and was convinced my skin was probably “allergic” to dairy, soy, tomatoes, and coffee, among other things.  Now I eat these foods carefully in moderation with no problems!
  7. I love the friendships and support and encouragement that I’ve gotten through this blog!  I have met so many wonderful people that I never would have encountered without having eczema and TSW.

Now for a song about TSW.  Another great blog-friend, Amanda over at Celiac and Allergy Adventures, had a post recently how a popular Linkin Park song was clearly about eczema.   I realized that the song “Forty-Six and 2” by Tool, one of my favorite bands,  is totally spot on with the process of TSW and being renewed.  Here are the lyrics:
My shadow’s
Shedding skin and
I’ve been picking
Scabs again.
I’m down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been.
I’ve been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I’ve been hiding in

My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow’s shedding skin
I’ve been picking
My scabs again.

I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been.
I’ve been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I’ve endured within

My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I’ve been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.

See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

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6 thoughts on “7 Things I Love and Hate About Eczema, and a Song About TSW

  1. Amanda says:

    I love this post! Great song, too!
    I am so glad to have “met” so many supportive people going through the same sorts of things as me as well. It can feel so isolating without you guys! I’m glad you’ve been able to come to a stage where you realize your self-worth shouldn’t come from just your appearance. 🙂

    • Absolutely!! I can’t imagine how different (and bad) things would have been, just going through all of this alone. You know how grateful I am for your support and friendship! 🙂

  2. Jennifer says:

    You’re healing yourself – so amazing! And it’s wonderful you can find the positive in something so difficult. Curious, which dead sea salts are you using? I may have to add them to my store 🙂

  3. I hate the scars too and love the baths as well 🙂

    Thanks for the mention, girl! You rock XOXO

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